How Ayurveda Helped Me Find Courage

Ayurveda & The F Word

This will be the first of many posts centered around health, wellness, ayurveda, Italy, Italian culture, yoga, fitness, food and any other lifestyle topics I am musing on as of late.

I am currently teaching 17 classes a week and gearing up for a full round leading 200 hr YTT. On top of that I launched Delle Terra and an Arbonne business. I’m a busy gal. But I’ve tapped into something deep inside myself that has been dormant for a really long time.

About a month ago is when I met with an ayurvedic specialist for the first time. I was curious to know more about ayurveda and to see if it could help me with my anxiety, overwhelm, diet and digestion issues. At this point I have tried lots of home remedies, done a lot of research, tried different ways to eat, things to eat. Asking myself daily “should I be GF, dairy free, sugar free? Should I be supplementing with fish oil and collagen, that seems popular etc…?”

I thought I was going in to talk to an ayurvedic wellness specialist about diet food and lifestyle choices.

What happened was so something so much more. I spent two hours at White Lotus Therapeutics with my specialist and it felt like a therapy session. We talked parents, partner, job, what it was like growing up, went through all my personality traits and tendencies, how much I eliminate, how often I have sex, what I do when I’m sad, what I do when I’m happy, what I do when I’m overwhelmed. Down in to some of the deepest darkest crevices of myself. It felt so good to unload some of the ick and yuck that I had been carrying around and I didn’t even realize until I walked out of the room and felt physically lighter.

I’m predominately pitta, then kapha, then vata. Pitta’s are described as: medium physique, strong, well-built; sharp mind, good concentration powers; orderly, focused; assertive, self-confident, and entrepreneurial at their best; aggressive, demanding, pushy when out of balance; competitive, enjoy challenges; passionate and romantic; strong digestion, strong appetite. Does any of this resonate with you?

One thing is for sure, I’m not missing a meal and you don’t want to know what I’m like when I do.

Brennan can attest to that. I love a good competition, I’m an honest to goodness hopeless romantic, would consider myself passionate, and taking a stab at the entrepreneurial life.

What I learned in my session is that my pitta has lost some of its fire and vata is in the drivers seat.

This is what vata looks like out of balance or in excess:

·       nervousness, anxiety, panic, fear

·       twitches, tics, tremors, spasms

·       dry or chapped skin

·       constipation, gas, bloating, dry, hard stools

·       dislike of cold and wind

·       difficulty tolerating loud noises

·       light, interrupted sleep

·       spacey, scattered feeling

·       excess thinking or worrying

A light bulb when off and church bells started ringing. And I just kept saying, YES, YES, YES. I’ve always hated the wind and don’t like being cold. I had been experiencing so much anxiety, thinking about everything to the very minor detail, waking up worrying in the middle of the night about shit that I have no control over. Each and every day I would get back on the hamster wheel and start running.

It’s not like I didn’t know these things about myself. I did. I needed someone to tell me that they were valid. I needed someone to give me permission to slow down and it needed to be a stranger. Someone to tell me, yeah you’ve been through the mud a few times in your life and you haven’t really dealt with it, which is why it keeps rearing its ugly head. Now instead of saying yes over and over in my head I was saying, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK.

I had/have work to do. The soul kind of work.

I have to begin to heal. “Oh, you’re telling me, it isn’t enough to provide space for other people to do that on their mats, I have to create space for my own healing?!” I had been ignoring my body’s signals. It was telling me everything I needed to know. I just didn’t know how to listen! So.. I’m doing the work and healing myself from the inside out. Easier said than done.

This realization for me was a game changer. It allowed me to turn my overwhelm into drive and passion. It helps me choose love over fear on a daily basis.

In a sense that visit the ayurveda specialist set me free.

I’ve always said that yoga provides me my freedom and it does but only if I’m actively listening. Otherwise I will stay on the hamster wheel. Freedom is the name of my game and something that I crave more of.

I’m scared shitless to do what I’m doing. I am filled full of self-doubt and lack confidence every day. However my intuition and inner voice has raised the volume.

The universe has provided me a path that I cannot ignore.

Knowing that truth trumps any feeling of unworthiness or fear. People ask me all the time what I’m doing. I tell them, raise my eyebrows and just say I’m doing it. I’m going to do it, because if I don’t I will never forgive myself. I don’t ever want to wonder what could have been. I want to look back and say I DID IT – WHAT’S NEXT?!

I have been fortunate enough to tap into that part of myself that I had lost and channel it as a conduit to make a living while doing what I love.

I L-O-V-E Italy.

It was the first place that I found my freedom (before I found yoga - hold on for another blog post about my love for Italy). I can’t think of a better place to combine with the practice of yoga. It’s whimsical, it’s romantic, its thousands of years of history, art and culture. It’s the SLOW way of life. Which is exactly what my little out of balance vata self needs.  S-L-O-W.

My question for you is this: do you hear that little voice inside you saying “ohhh me, me, pick me!” with it’s little hand raised up and holding it’s breath. Yeah, that’s the voice.

Turn up the damn volume on that voice and SAY YES.

Cue Tom Petty’s Runnin Down a Dream. Come with me. Let me show you what I’ve seen and let’s do it together. Crack yourself open, rediscover yourself, find your freedom. Italy September 16-22nd! More yes, less doubt.

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what makes you feel free?